by Sarah W, March 10, 2014, 2:29 AM
The two sides are very, very similar, but the Americans mention friends humbling you (when you deserve to be humbled), pointing out when you do something wrong, and is honest, more so than the French students. The French speak only of friends being supportive, and there for you in bad and good times. This makes me wonder if perhaps the French students don’t want their friends to be so direct and brutally honest?

by mkitaoka, March 10, 2014, 3:30 AM
Both sides show a very positive description of true friendship. To add to the comment above, I’m wondering if maybe it’s impolite to say the raw, direct truth to people in France? If that’s the case though, how do the French distinguish between a friend and a true friend? In the US, a lot of times we call our ‘true friends’ the ones who “know when to humble you” or tell you the real truth, no matter how much it may hurt you. If the French don’t have that, what other aspects do they use to classify their “true friends”?

by kelex33, March 10, 2014, 8:21 AM
Je dirais que ce qui différencie un ami d’un vrai ami en France est la disponibilité. On peut appeler un vrai ami à 3h du matin pour un problème et il sera là. En France, même un “simple” ami nous remettrait à notre place . Le fait d’être direct et franc n’est pas propre à un vrai ami selon moi. Je pense que le fait de considéré quelqu’un comme un ami est très important en France. Par exemple, lorsque l’on ajoute quelqu’un sur Facebook que l’on connait peu, on le définira de connaissance et non d’ami. Le statut d’ami mérite peut-être plus de preuve en France qu’aux Etats-Unis. Qu’en pensez-vous ?

by Sarah W, March 10, 2014, 5:47 PM
I think Americans might be more selfish with their time. While you do expect your friends to be there for you when you need them, I do not think you would always assume that your true friends will be there at 3 in the morning. I think we know that our friends will be there for us if they can — but it’s more the choice of your friend to be there for you, rather than an assumed expectation. I suppose that does mean that it might be easier to be considered a true friend in America than in France. However, I think being a true friend in America is very difficult in that being honest can just cause problems in your friendship. If you are too brutally honest, your friend might just get angry at you. So perhaps it might be more of a test to be a true friend in France [having to be there at the moment your friend needs you], but it’s still pretty difficult to be a true friend in America.

by Rachel A, March 11, 2014, 4:07 AM
It’s interesting that that distinction between just an acquaintance, someone you know on Facebook, versus ”un ami” is so clear in France. Maybe in America the definition of friend is weaker, or more people qualify for the title, but then you could make distinction of close friend, best friends and so on. I’ve called on my closest friends at odd hours and they’ve called on me too, so I trust them to be there.

by mkitaoka, March 11, 2014, 4:49 AM
I think it’s very easy to be considered a “friend” in the United States – they can be people that you’re very close with, but they can also be people that you see occasionally and know them as more than an acquaintance. However, that also means that while Americans may have large groups of friends (including Facebook friends), there may only be a very small group of “true friends”. A lot of Americans will just become “friends” with people they have met for a few minutes, got along well with, and will probably see again in class or at work, but that doesn’t necessarily make them your “true friends”. How are French friend groups, as opposed to Americans? Do the French have large circles of friends with only some close friends like Americans, or do they tend to have a smaller friend group but with more true friends?

by jbrown138, March 11, 2014, 1:25 PM
I would agree with what others have said before: “friend: is a very lightly used word in America; my best friend would be someone who is very different from the rest of my friends. In regards to best friends as compared to the French definition of friend, I would say they are similar because there is that expectation that you will each always be there for the other (3am or otherwsie as seems to be the common example here). There are many people I regard as friends but are certainly not people who I would go to with my problems though they are the same people I would go to if I wanted to cheer up and have a good time. How clear is the distinction between “un ami” and any other person you may meet and get along with (such as, what we would call more officially, an acquaintance)?

by xmaillard, March 11, 2014, 2:50 PM
En France, je pense qu’on définit davantage nos amis par les affinités qu’on possède avec ces personnes. Pour reprendre l’exemple des réseaux sociaux et de Facebook, on ne parle pas de manière identique à tout notre entourage et surtout, on ne reste pas en contact de la même manière. Vous reviendrez vers un véritable ami même si vous ne vivez plus au même endroit par exemple et continuerez à discuter. Vous aurez davantage tendance à demander des renseignements informels à vos anciennes connaissances (ex : comment elles vont, ce qu’elles font, etc..) même si vous avez sympathisé avec eux auparavant.

by kelex33, March 11, 2014, 3:29 PM
@mkitaoka
Je pense en effet qu’en France, nos groupes d’amis sont plus restreints, mais composés d’amis plus proche. Il me semble aussi que le fait d’appeller quelqu’un “un ami” est plus difficile en France qu’aux USA et que vous utilisez le mot “friend” aussi pour désigner des personnes moins proches que nos “amis”.

Après, il me semble que dans nos plus jeunes générations, le mot ami est de plus en plus utilisé, pour au final se rapprocher du sens de “friend”, sans doute du fait de l’avènement des réseaux sociaux.

Y a t’il aussi chez vous une démocratisation du mot “friend” pour désigner un cercle plus grand encore de personne ?

by ahonorat, March 11, 2014, 9:52 PM
Effectivement je suis assez d’accord avec kelex33. Peut-être que l’on ne s’accorde pas sur le mot. En France nous disons beaucoup plus volontiers un “pote”. Mais peut-être est-ce que c’est la même chose aux Etats-Unis, avec le mot “buddy” par exemple ?

by jbrown138, March 12, 2014, 10:34 PM
So, all in all, I think we have the same idea of what we would in a good friend, it’s just that here in America we have different ideas for closeness of friends but we still refer to them as friends. Just to illustrate this, I’m going to list a possible hierarchy of how I might very specifically refers to my “friends”… So, I would say I have: a couple best friends, a few close friends, a number of good friends (kind of like buddies, but a little more significant), and a lot of acquaintances. I hope this clarifies things? I would still call all of them my “friend” under normal circumstances, it’s just that I’m definitely a lot closer to some than others for any myriad of reasons. And I too, xmaillard, keep in touch with my closest friends even though I live far away. For example, some of my closest friends either live back home in Maryland (near DC so like, ~7 hour drive from MIT (Boston)) but I still keep in touch with them fairly regularly. I really like that Facebook and cell phones allow such correspondences. Do you heavily use Facebook at all? I feel like this is one main reason a number of American kids do.

by mkitaoka, March 13, 2014, 1:23 AM
For me, a buddy is someone that I might call a friend, but that I don’t see very often and am acquaintances with, as opposed to being a “friend” – is that the same as the French connotation for “pote”?

by Sarah W, March 13, 2014, 7:05 AM
I think some of our responses might have been skewed by the term, “true friend.” We generally call our closest, most reliable friends are “best” friends, whereas a “true” friend implies honesty and loyalty, not necessarily a really close emotional tie. But it seems that we expect the same from our best friends as you do, too.

by dengxinyue0420, March 13, 2014, 8:02 AM
I think a true friend here might not be the same as the best friend. I agree with Sarah that “true” implies a personality not emotional, but the reason that people connect with each other, get familiar and share secrets is emotional, which doesn’t depend on the personality. Although we expect the same thing about our best friend, but most of time, we cannot control that.

by mpeysale, March 16, 2014, 2:59 PM
@Sarah W Bien souvent, nos meilleurs amis sont de “vrais amis” : des gens sur lesquels on peut compter et à qui on peut se confier. Cependant, on peut avoir de vrais amis qu’on perd de vue avec les années et avec qui on se voit de moins en moins : bien qu’on soit moins proches d’eux, ils n’en demeurent pas moins de vrais amis

by ahonorat, March 18, 2014, 3:31 PM
@mkitaoka
Même parmi les français nous n’avons certainement pas tous la même définition exactement. Pour clarifier je dirais qu’un camarade est quelqu’un que l’on voit tout le temps (en raison des cours/des soirées) mais pas forcément avec qui l’on gardera énormément de contacts une fois que nous ne seront plus dans la même ville. Un “pote” est entre le camarade et l’ami.