Hello!

I think that well-behaved kids exist and I have met several in my life, especially from my generation (when I was younger). But I saw there was an answer from an American that says "doesn't exist, overated". Do you think that well-behaved children don't exist? Or maybe not anymore?

Yoana

Pour ma part, je pense qu'un garçon bien élevé existe. Mais comme tous le monde chaques personnes possédent des hauts et des bas, donc il ne respecte pas tous le temps les régles de politesse. Mais si la plupart du temps il respecte ces régles, il est bien élevé pour moi.

Vous en pensez quoi ?

I agree in general with Benji, but I personally think a "well behaved" child is one that learns about the world around him or her. It was interesting to see "obey" in so many forms mentioned on both sides, but I believe that children purely obeying their parents will not grow up to be productive members of society. Maybe at the time they will be "good" children, but I would rather have my children speak up and question things. I would like them to change how I think about the world also.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel that when obey is used, it's used not in the sense that the child is a mindless robot that follows orders, but rather follows the guidelines and stays within them. Personally, I agree with Elise, I would rather my children question me in cases where they feel there is some discrepancies, but if told that there isn't, I think that the well-behaved child would accept and respect the wishes of their elders.

I think that I am coming from a totally different background than most people, but my family doesn't really have a "respect for your elders" type of semtiment. I respect them as much as I would any person, but I don't believe they are more "right" than me just because they are older. In fact, there are a lot of cases when I disagree because they are old and I feel they have not changed with the times. To this end, I also questioned everything about what my parents told me. Only when they had explained their reasoning and I also thought that it was logical, did I accept what they had told me.

Je pense que la politesse est un des résultat de l'éducation. Un enfant sera poli s'il a été bien éduqué. Et je pense aussi que c'est une question d'habitute et d'environnement vitale. Un enfant qui aura grandi dans une maison où ses parents étaient proches et lui apprennaient les "manières de vivre", qu'il a eu l'habitude de voir ses parents petre poli, il fera, plus tard, la même chose.

Ensuite, comme l'a dit Benjamin, c'est vrai qu'on peut croiser une personne dans la rue qui nous parait malpolie. Cela peut être due simplement à son humeur.

La politesse est dont un préjugé? Il faut connaitre la personne pour dire qu'elle est poli?

I agree with Benji that all of us sometimes just get very stressed out and even if we don't want to do or say something that will hurt others, we still do it, because in some sense in such a situation we just can't control ourselves. Of course, if you are generally polite, you won't go to far, right? Even when you lose control, you still have some respect for the people around you. Here, I agree with Benjamin about the environment in the family. My opinion is that that is actually the most important part in a person's live - growing up in a family and taking as an example his/her parents or grandparents. Even if you think that there is no pressure on you to always obey the elders, the whole environment will always affect you and your way of thinking because the childhood is when your habits form.

I definitely agree that growing up in a family is one of the most important experiences in a person's life. I think it is also important for the family to realize their role as elders for their children. I have seen many families that have wanted to be their children's friends, rather than parents or grandparents. 

I agree with Benjamin that manners and being polite is definitely something that is learned by watching others.  At the same time, I don't think that one can't judge a person's politeness without getting to know them.  Being polite is a relatively objective thing.  Even if a person is very kind at heart, if they don't know how to be polite, they won't be.  Just because they haven't learned manners etc. doesn't mean that the definition of politeness changes for them.

I remember when I was younger my mother always said "be seen and not heard." Although that statement is somewhat outdated, do people feel the same way about a well behaved child in France? Is there anything that your parents have used with you to describe what a well behaved child does?

Quand on regarde l’expression « un enfant bien élevé », il s’agit en fait de la capacité des parents à éduquer leurs enfants. Je pense que certains parents ne voit dans l’éducation que la partie « dressage » et ne prête aucune attention à toute la partie pédagogique/culturel. Au final l’enfant semble en effet bien éduqué/élevé mais il ne prend de fait aucune initiative et peut se trouver enfermer dans sa bulle. Pour moi un enfant bien élevé n’est pas forcément un enfant irréprochable, mais un enfant qui aura la capacité de s’ouvrir aux autres tout en restant un minimum poli bien entendu.

I think Denis brings up a good point that "un enfant bien élevé" as a different meaning than a "well-behaved child" a well-raised child puts the burden on the parents who raised them, while a well-behaved child puts the responsibility of acting within the social order on the child. Do you think that a child's behavior should be the responsibility of their parents or of the child? Do you think that parents who raise their child well could still have a poorly behaving child?

@Karen Dubbin

Je pense que lorsqu’un enfant est jeune, la responsabilité des parents est très importante. Ensuite avec l’âge la responsabilité des parents est moins importante mais toujours présente. Je pense d’ailleurs que cette responsabilité ne s’arête jamais, quand on fait des enfants c’est pour la vie mais ce n'est pas la même responsabilité elle évolue.

I agree with Denis.  Very few people in would say that parents and a person's upbringing have nothing to do with the way they are/ have no influence on them.  When you are a young child, your parents are not only more experienced in life than you; they also are capable of physically preventing you from doing some things.  Therefore, when you are small, your parents are in many ways responsible for your actions (although some children are easier to parent this way than others).

When we get older, our parents can no longer control our actions as much, and I would say that they are certainly no longer responsible for them.  At the same time, if we examine ourselves and our tendencies, there are often ties to the way our parents raised us.

When you see or hear about someone who is in trouble/making poor decisions/messing up their life, what do you think of?  How much do you consider the parents responsible and how much the child?

@Erin O'Brien

Oui certains choix des parents peuvent être nuisibles à la santé mentale d’un enfant. Certes l’enfant peut avoir un passage à vide dans sa vie du fait de se renfermement, mais ce qui ne nous tue pas nous rend plus fort. Donc en faisant un bilan constructif des ces dérapages que l’on a subi, cela peut permettre d’éviter de reproduire cela envers ces enfants.

Do you think obeying your parents makes life simpler? Do you feel that they always know best?  Were there any times growing up that you wished you had more freedom to choose for yourself?

Juliann,

Quand tu es petit et que tes parents te donne ton éducation, tu ne sais pas ce qui est et ce qui est mauvais, tu veux juste faire plaisir à tes parents et faire comme eux. Ce n'est que plus tard que tu peux avoir un regard critique sur cela.

On peut alors rejoindre le sujet "un bon parent" qui serait alors un parent qui donne le bon exemple à son enfant qui n'a pas encore de regard critique sur la vie !

Je vais rejoindre ce que dit Benjamin. Quand on est jeune, on cherche avant tout à faire plaisir à nos parents, mais ce n'est pas parce qu'on va écouter nos parents qu'on va être bien éduqué, tout simplement parce qu'il y a des "mauvais parents" qui donne le mauvais exemple à suivre à leurs enfants, voir qui ne s'en occupe même pas.