Salut! Il me semble qu'on ne puisse pas sourire aux Américains juste pour le plaisir. D'apres les réponses il y a toujours pour eux un motif: demande d'aide, vente, aggression. Ils se méfient plus. En France on est plus relaxe, on accepte d'etre dragué. Dans les deux pays on souris en réponse et les Américains s'en vont alors que les Français ont plus tendance a entamer la discussion. C'est vrai que les Françaises passent pour des filles faciles aux USA? En France ne sont pas tres discrets. Si une fille leur plait ils le font clairement comprendre. Aux Etats-Unis, il semble que ce soit plus discret. Est-ce vrai? Dans un café aux Etats-Unis, une copine en vacances a été profondément choqué, parce que personne ne la regardait et elle se demandait si elle était si moche que ça??? Merci de nous éclairer a ce sujet! A tres bientôt. Maud

salut tout le monde!! Tout d'abord, il me semble que dans tous les pays, les filles étrangeres ont la réputation d'etre plus facilement abordables! Et pour les Américaines qui songeraient a venir en vacances en France, le mythe du "french Lover" est totalement faux!!! Ils ne sont pas plus romantiques qu'ailleurs!! Mais c'est vrai qu'ils n'ont pas honte d'écrire des poemes et de les offrir, ou d'inviter à boire un café. Plus sérieusement, il faut quand meme s'informer un minimum sur les coutumes et les usages avant de visiter un pays étranger car on peut faire des gaffes et donner une mauvaise image de soi-meme. En France, ça ne veut rien dire de sourire en réponse, ça n'engage pas les personnes. Ca veut juste dire que le compliment a été accepté, mais pas qu'on veut y donner suite. A bientôt, Sophie

There certainly is a noticeable difference in the types of answers offered by the two groups of students. I believe the reason that the American students were apprehensive in this situation is because of the high crime rate in North America. Given this high crime rate, I have been told since I was a little child to "never talk to strangers" and I suspect that most of my American colleagues have been told the same thing. Since we have been brought up in a society where we are not encouraged to interact with strangers, it is not surprising that most of the American students felt uneasy in this situation.

Unfortunately, this question does not state where this encounter takes place. If the question specified that the encounter was taking place between students in a university setting, I think that the Americans would not have responded in such an apprehensive manner.

To answer Maud's question, I think that in the US, all European girls (not just the French) have a reputation of being easy. I think this perception exists because the European countries tend to be much less puritanical than the United States. (While we are on the topic, I should mention that this nauseating puritanical attitude is an unfortunate aspect of American society).

To conclude my response to your question, I also know that some stories are simply too good to be true :-) Sophie, you say that in all countries, foreign girls have a reputation for being easy. So in France, do American girls have a reputation for being easy?

Maud, you are also correct when you say that men in the United States behave in a more discrete manner. It is my perception that men who come from countries where latin languages are spoken will discuss their feelings about women in a much more open manner, and thus not hesitate to ask women for dates. I could be wrong about this, but I would be surprised if someone told me that German and British men write love poems at the same rate as the French and Italian men.

And finally Maude, the example that you offered about your friend and here trip to America neatly summarizes the ideas that I have been talking about. I am sure that there were some men who were surreptitiously looking at your friend while she was in the United States. It is the prevalence of this puritanical attitute and the general mistrust of strangers that prevents the American men from being more open in these kinds of affairs.

Allan.

Un grand bonjour à tout le monde...

Juste une petite remarque: d'apres les réponses données, on dirait que les francais sont plus amicaux et passent leur temps à parler à des inconnus, en tout cas plus que les américains. Mais il y a quand meme des faits contradictoires en france,comme par exemple les voisins : on peut vouloir parler à des inconnnus mais quand il s'agit d'entamer la conversation avec vos voisins d'étage, c'est une autre histoire. Par exemple, il n'est pas rare en France que des voisins de longue date se disent un petit bonjour tous les matins , prennent ensemble le même chemin mais ne ne placent pas un seul mot a part le "au revoir" cinq minutes plus tard!!!! En y pensant, c'est marrant quand on passe ensuite le reste de sa journée à vouloir parler de tout et de n'importe quoi avec des inconnus.

Heri

bonjour

je voulais intervenir dans ce débat car étant deja aller aux Etats unis je pense que mon experience est interessante. Je suis assez d'accord avec ce qui a été dit jusqu'à présent même si je tient à le nuancer. En effet vous semblez dire que les Français sont plus amicaux et ont plus facilement tendances à aborder les inconnus. C'est vrai et c'est faux. A mon avis un Français aura plus facilement tendance à aborder un étranger à condition que celui ci reste un étranger. Je m'explique : Les Farançais sont effectivement plus sociable quand il s'agit de commencer une conversation mais ils sont très rapidement plus défensif dès que cela devient personnel et par conséquent serons moins rapide quand il s'agira de donner leur confiance. D'un autre coté les Américains si ils sont plus méfiant avec les pures inconnues sont beaucoup plus ouvert quand il s'agit d'établir une relation amical avec une personne qu'il connaisse un peu. Ainsi dans tous les voyages linguistiques que j'ai fait j'ai remarquer que les Américains essayer plus que la plus part des européens de metre en confiance les jeunes étranger arriver aux Etats unis. Et ceux que ce soit la famille d'acceuil ou simplement des amis de la familles.

Par conséquent je pense qu'il serait faux de dire que les Français sont plus amicale. En tant que Français j'avais plustot l'impression inverse. Je trouvais les Américains beaucoup plus amicaux que les Français (parfois trop)...

manu aka Pikachu

Hi Everyone,

Being a foreign student in America I had to get used to this "no smiles" situation in America too. I come from a society where everyone greets and smiles at everyone. So when I first arrived at MIT, I used to walk around flashing smiles at people. I got really horrible reactions ranging from being ignored to getting the "Is she normal?" looks. Anyway, I've stopped smiling now. Unfortunately, I seemed like a snob the last time I went home because I was passing by people without smiling or saying hi.

Anyway, I agree with Allan that Americans are suspicious of strangers because of the high crime rate. They are warned never to talk to strangers as kids and they grow up with it.

Now to my question:

Are French kids warned not to talk to strangers? And if so, is there a certain age about which kids tend to override this warning? I await your responses. Thanks

Regina

hey all,

I think that America in general is a less friendly place than other countries. People here are very suspicious of strangers, and they have reason to be. There are so many violent crimes that happen every day that the news can only cover a small fraction of them in the time allotted. You never know what might happen to you if you just start talking to any person who smiles at you. This brings up another point. When I say this, I mean I am a little skeptical about actually stopping to talk and get to know a random person who smiled at you. Just smiling back is perfectly normal in my opinion. There are few times when people actually do smile at you for no reason and it makes me feel good inside. I wish it happened more often. However, this may just be the case in safe places like on campus or in a friendly suburb.

The difference in other smaller countries like France and similarly in small communties in here, society is more tightly knit and people have more in common, whereas America is just one big mix of people. In closer communities people are more comfortable talking and smiling to each other, because there is a general "safety" or mutual bond. It all has to do with the society and traditions. Thats my opinion.

I agree with Emmanuel. Americans might not be completely open to strangers, but once they know someone, they are very friendly with them. I had to move to a new school once, and eventhough no one immediately talked to me, they eventually showed me around school, and helped me get to know the place.

I found Heri's response interesting. I wanted to ask the rest of the French this question: Do you think that most French are friendlier with strangers than they are with their neighbors?

carlos

As far as I know American men have the perception that European women are much more casual about sexual relationships. I suppose in a way this means American men find European women to be easier. As for the opposite sex, I believe American women find European men to be much more outspoken and unhindered in their approach to women. I believe in general American manners are such that the initial meeting between people should be reserved.

I think the setting is of great importance, as well. For instance, I believe the amount of men who have approached me in American, Mexican, and Italian bars has been about the same. In bars, American men tend pick-up women more than anywhere else.

Americans in general seem to have a more difficult time meeting "strangers." In the United States, to meet a stranger is like crossing a bridge, and is usually done with caution, especially a complete stranger like the one in the situation. It is probably because of all the previous warnings not to talk to strangers (small children have a bad habit of being kidnapped in America), as well as Americans'habits of overanalyzing situations and keeping (maybe unfounded) feelings to themselves.

Why don't the French have such a problem meeting complete strangers? Is it part of your culture, or part of the European culture in general? I have never been to Europe, so I have no idea where the change in attitudes occurs, but it would be interesting to see if any Americans can adopt this openness to meeting new people.

Hi everyone, I think the reputation of American girls being easy in Europe or European girls being easy in America probably has a lot to do with the fact that one is on vacation or on a short trip, and may act differently in the same sort of social situation as one normally would. I found the differences in our answers to this question amusing because I thought the only European men I've met to be much much friendlier than the American men I know. In some ways they are more aggressive than the Americans but it's not in a manner that is threatening... they just seemed relaxed and at ease talking to someone of the opposite sex. On the other hand I find the aggression that is stereotypical of American men more threatening because it more often comes in the form of physical aggression.

Suzanne

I think the reason why many Americans would not initiate a conversation with a stranger (in the pick up line sense) is because we are not really interested in starting a relationship with someone we know nothing about. Usually when you begin to date someone, you have some common interest, activity, or a mutual friend. Personally, I would feel uncomfortable with a random guy off the street because there's no way to verify what he's telling you. There are very few lasting boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where the two meet as complete strangers. Is this true in France? or do many romantic relationships form at places like bars or clubs?

Christine

Since the US and France are both geographically large (relative to most other countries) I would guess that the types of responses would depend on what region of either country is being discussed.

Although I've never visited any of the southern states of the US, they have a reputation of being much more hospitable than other parts of the country. For example, in movies based in the south, they often show strangers greeting each other as they walk by in the street. (Maybe a southerner can confirm to us whether this is true or just a myth). On the other hand, the Northeast (where MIT is situated) has a reputation of being very uptight, and Bostonians particularly have a reputation of being rude.

Therefore, I think it is incorrect to make the general statement that the French are friendlier than Americans (or vice versa). I would be very interested in knowing whether such regional differences exist in France, and to what extent.

thanks, fahad

Salut à tous les étudiants! Je suis tout à fait d'accord avec Christine Lin en ce qui concerne les relations entre couples. Mais ici, les étudiants Français ont compris qu'il s'agit seulement de sourire à un étranger, pas d'entamer la conversation ou de sortir avec. Rassure-toi, il est quand même très rare de voir quelqu'un sortir avec le premier venu sans le connaître. Les terrains de rencontre restent l'école, les associations, le sport, des amis communs. Quand tu va en boîte ou dans un bar, c'est plus pour draguer que pour entamer une relation sérieuse. pour ce qui est des différences géographiques que mentionne Fahad, je dirais qu'en France on peut surtout différencier les grandes villes des petites, où les gens sont plus acceuillants et moins stressés. Dans les métropoles, personnes ne se connait donc on ne va pas dire bonjour à tous les étrangers. Les méditerranéens ont aussi la réputation d'être plus expansifs, et donc moins renfermés sur eux-mêmes. A bientôt, Sophie

Bonjour à tous,

Je voudrais répondre à Fahad au sujet des différences de relations selon les régions françaises. Je crois que s'il est très vrai que les Méditerranéens sont naturellement plus expansifs (le soleil, tout ça...), il ne faut pas croire non plus que quand on va à Marseille inconnu de qui que ce soit, on peut se mettre à sourire à tout le monde, serrer la main des passants et se mettre à leur parler comme si on les connaissait depuis des années... Dans les petites villes, comme le dit Sophie, il y a moins de barrières, les gens sont moins stressés, et passé le cap de la prise de contact, on se retrouve vite à bavarder autour d'une table. Donc, ce n'est pas la situation géographique de l'endroit qui importe le plus, c'est la densité de sa population.

-- A bientôt, Pierre R

Fahad,

I live in the South, and most of the people there are not very friendly to strangers. The worst part of it is that their definition of "stranger" is someone who wasn't born in their neighborhood. So, a present-day southerner may know you for 3 months, but still look through you.

This doesn't apply to the people from the Old South though, which is what is portrayed in the popular southern movies like "Gone with the Wind." Many still hold on to the "legacies" of the Old South which is why you still here much about "Southern hospitality" and the like. Such exist mainly in concept, but hardly in practice.

Take care, Chidinma