You see a mother in a supermarket slap her child. / Vous voyez une mère dans un supermarché donner une gifle à son enfant. | 2001 Fall MIT/Institut National des Télécommunications

You see a mother in a supermarket slap her child.

Vous voyez une mère dans un supermarché donner une gifle à
son enfant.

bad
boy! what's he done now?

Feel it is unacceptable,
but say nothing
i do
not interfere

I feel
like she's slapped me, at first, but then I understand that it
may have been necessary.

I feel
pity to this child.

i look
anywhere else

I slap
her

I smile
at the child, and look inquisitive at the parent

I think
it is good that some people still know how to educate their
children.

I
wonder what the kid did.

I would
be concerned for the welfare of the child

I would
cringe in pain and then go on to the next item on my shopping
list.

I would
do nothing.

I would
feel angry with her and wonder if I should do something but
probably decide not to.

I would
feel horrible that a mother could do that.

I would
feel offended and sickened.

I would
feel sad that the mother is perpetuating the cycle of violence,
but wouldn't say anything.

I would
feel shocked, yet I would not say anything.

I would
ignore the situation.

I would
think to myself: "how shameful! my mother never did that to
me."

i
wouldn't appreciate it, but wouldn't say anything to that mother
either

I'd be
shocked

I'd
turn away & pretend I didn't see it.

If its
extreme I may confront her.

It is
none of my business.

no
response.

Nothing.

Oops.

sorrow

Taken
aback, wonder why she did so

You pretend not to notice

aucune réaction la
gifle peut être légitime

ça me choque mais
je n'interviens pas,.

Ce n'est pas une solution,
il vaudrait mieux lui expliquer ce qu'il a fait de mal.

il existe d'autres moyens
d'éduquer son enfant

il l'a bien mérité
le morveux

Je crois que c'est bon

Je la regarde d'un air effaré
et degouté

je m intéresse a la
situation tentant de découvrir les raisons

je m'indigne,

je me demande pourquoi

je me dit qu'il a du faire
une bêtise

Je n'ai pas à intervenir
dans l'éducation que cette mère donne a son enfant.

Je n'aimerais pas être
à la place de l'enfant, ni à celle de la mère
d'ailleurs.

je n'en pense rien

Je n'en pense rien

je n'interviens que si elle
devient trop violente

Je ne fais rien. Il/elle
l'a sans doute méritée. De plus ça ne me regarde
pas.

Je ne pense rien car je ne
connais pas la raison

je plains cet enfant d'avoir
une éducation autoritaire

je prends une brosse à
dent,je la mets dans la charriot et je passe au rayon suivant

je regarde la scène
et je cherche les raisons de cette gifle

je reste à côté
pour espionner et essayer de voir si la gifle était méritée

je suis affligé mais
je ne peux rien faire, elle éduque son gosse et se mettre en
travers de cette autorité parentale peut être dommageable
pour la psychologie de l'enfant

je suis choquée,je
la regarderai méchamment

pas de réaction

tant que cela ne choque pas ,cela ne me regarde pas

Discussion

- 09:29pm
Oct 21, 2001

of 14)

Hi everyone,

The largest number of participants from both sides were indignant or condemned the mother's actions (bravo!). By percentage, a larger number of French students imagined that the child possibly deserved it, and again by percentage, a larger number of French students expressed an attitude that I interpret as "ambivalence." I am somewhat surprised by the outcomes. Hitting children as a form of punishment is fairly common in some parts of the U.S., and I suppose that I would have expected the French response to be "uniform condemnation." I am curious to know whether any of you are familiar with the situation in the Spanish or Italian cultures, for which I have the impression that corporal punishment is relatively rare (but I
could be wrong - easily). Can you make a comparison between the situations in those countries and what happens in France? I realize that our discussions are supposed to focus primarily upon the differences between the American and French cultures, but I have for a long time been curious about all of what distinguishes France from the other romance-language cultures (there are many differences, and this might be one).

Wes

By Wesley W. on Sun, 10/21/2001 - 21:29 #

- 11:33pm Oct
21, 2001

of 14)

Hello,

I would expect some verbal reaction from somebody to the mother for not to abuse the child; even though I, myself, would have not said much at that point. But it is interesting that there is no suggestion for verbal warning to the mother.

Bilge

By Bilge Y. on Sun, 10/21/2001 - 23:33 #

- 03:25am Oct
22, 2001

of 14)

Bien que je sois contre la violence, je crois en la vertu de la chicote( terme générique ivoirien pour désigner une correction physique d'un bambin!!!). La chicote permet de faire des enfants droits et respectueux. Mais quel distance elle place entre les enfants et leurs parents. D'origine ivoirienne, j'ai vécu cela, enfant. Et je suis toujours surpris de la relation entre parents et enfants en France. Très agréablement surpris par la camarderie. Mais aussi très désagréablement quand je vois la reaction de certains de mes amis français en face de leurs.
C'est que chaque chose à ces avantages et ces inconvenients!

By Urbain Z. on Mon, 10/22/2001 - 03:25 #

- 03:52am Oct
22, 2001

of 14)

Je pense que parfois une petite baffe peut remettre les choses en place, mais à mon avis ce ne doit pas devenir une habitude : ce n'est qu'un des derniers recours ... Cependant, je pense (je peux me tromper, j'ai pas beaucoup d'expérience dans ce domaine ...) qu'il est possible de ne pas en arriver là, en tout cas dans un lieu public ! Je suis assez étonné quand même que ce soit tant critiqué par les Américains : pensez-vous qu'une bonne éducation peut se faire sans jamais sévir ? (personnellement, je pense qu'une baffe est plus marquante que d'être privé(e) de dessert ou de sortie ...)

By Damien C. on Mon, 10/22/2001 - 03:52 #

- 04:01am Oct 22,
2001

of 14)

Au risque de passer pour un ange ;) je ne me suis jamais fait gifler par mes parents et cela me parait inimaginable. J'aimerais comprendre comment on percoit ses parents quand ils mettent en cause votre integrité physique. Pour moi, c'est quand même par la que peut commencer la violence parentale mais je me doute bien que mon point de vue est largement influencé par mon éducation.

By Dan C. on Mon, 10/22/2001 - 04:01 #

- 08:26am Oct
22, 2001

of 14)

Encore Rachel & Anne, les justicières masquées...

Vivent les fessées, et non aux gifles... (les gifles ça fait mal et c'est vraiment violent). Ce n'est pas une mauvaise chose quand on est petit mais il faut que ce soit justifié et que l'enfant comprenne pourquoi il se prend une punition.
Une fessée, c'est humiliant et ça suffit largement pour punir: pas besoin de faire mal et de déchaîner sa colère.l'éducation, c'est pas du défoulement...
Mais a partir d'un certain age, il faut savoir arreter la punition "corporelle".
:op ;o)

By Anne V. on Mon, 10/22/2001 - 08:26 #

- 09:14pm Oct
24, 2001

of 14)

I have a question for those of you who think it is okay to hit a child under certain circumstances: how long can you keep doing this? How old is a child before he learns to think of slapping as an acceptable form of violence rather than a form of correction? Also, to me slapping implies hitting someone on the face (as opposed to smacking). Would you make a distinction between hitting a child on his face or on his bottom for instance?

By Binita B. on Wed, 10/24/2001 - 21:14 #

- 10:57pm Oct
24, 2001

of 14)

In response to WESLEY's message

> "I am curious to know whether any of you are familiar with the situation in the Spanish or Italian cultures, for which I have the impression that corporal punishment is relatively rare (but I could be wrong - easily)."

I am Spanish and must say that hitting a small child is a somewhat "normal" thing one sees in my country. But as many have already pointed out, there are really many different ways to hit. In my opinion, spanking a child when he is naughty or cheeky is ABSOLUTELY necessary for what I consider in my mind to be a good education. This is necessary, since small children do not often understand complex explanations. Also, it is true that it hurts the parents more than the children when they are forced to punish physically their child. Children somehow seem to sense this and feel greater regret for their actions, in my opinion.

Anyways, this kind of punishment is only acceptable in very limited situations when the child does something absolutely unacceptable or evil.

By Gerardo V. on Wed, 10/24/2001 - 22:57 #

- 03:46am Oct
25, 2001

of 14)

I am Italian and I agree pretty much with Gerardo. In Italy it is fairly common to see a child getting a small corporal punishment. Personally I also don't find it such a tragic event, as opposed to many of the americans. Gerardo is right: sometimes (and I really mean once in a while) reason is not enough when dealing with a child. A small slap is not an abuse but rather a wake up call that says "listen to me..." By the way: I think I was a pretty good child and I rememeber getting slapped only in a few occations. Today I have a normal life, friends, a girl friend and I am pretty sure not to have suffered any psicological damage from my parents. So how do those who see any form of punishment as an abuse, interpret my experience? ;)

-Claudio

By Claudio B. on Thu, 10/25/2001 - 03:46 #

- 08:52pm Oct
29, 2001

of 14)

I am from Puerto Rico where it is acceptable to give a small slap to a kid if it is deserved. When I say a slap I mean a small pat, just enough so that the child knows that he is doing something bad. Personally my parents seldomly resorted to physical punishment. However, I have noticed that lower class people in PR tend to slap their children in public and very frequentlu. Would you guys consider this to occur in France as well or there to be a noticeable distinction between people of different social classes.

By Marcos R on Mon, 10/29/2001 - 20:52 #

- 11:05pm Oct
29, 2001

of 14)

Hi everyone,

I am finding it very hard to judge how often children are clobbered by
their parents, even in the cultures that I know fairly well, since
normally this happens in the privacy of homes, and infrequently in
public. And so, perhaps the results of surveys are helpful: I was
surprised by the results!

In the U.S., a recent Gallup survey (1995) showed that 89 % of parents
with children of three years of age admitted to hitting their child
(exactly what "hitting" means is not explained in detail). In a
survey of parents with "young teenagers", about 32% of parents
admitted to hitting their child. The results for some other countries
are listed on the website endcorporalpunishment.org.

Also on the web, I found recent results for France: D'apres un sondage
SOFRES de janvier 1999, 80% des parents donnent a leurs enfants gifles
et fessees quand ce ne sont pas des coups de martinet ou de ceinture.

Voila -- now we know which is more brutal (although not by much). ;-)

Wes

By Wesley W. on Mon, 10/29/2001 - 23:05 #

- 01:50am Nov
1, 2001

of 14)

For those of you who have been physically punished as a kid, I am curious to know for what reasons you were punished. I was wondering whether French and American parents consider corporal punishment necessary as a means of educating their children under similiar circumstances, such as not having done homework, cursing, or even forgetting to clean the room?

Shirley

By Shirley C. on Thu, 11/01/2001 - 01:50 #

- 08:13am Nov
5, 2001

of 14)

Personnellement, je n'ai jamais reçu de correction de la part de mes parents, que ce soit en public ou en privé. C'est surement pour cette raison que je suis toujours extrêmement choquée lorsque je vois un enfant recevoir une gifle en pleine rue!
Pour moi, l'attitude de ces parents à l'égard de leurs enfants est totalement injustifiable. Ils n'arrivent tout simplement pas à se faire respecter et je ne pense pas que cette punition puisse encourager au respect. Comment demander le respect lorsqu'on ne respecte pas justement ses propres enfants?
De plus, les parents ne semblent pas expliquer, dans la majorité des cas, le pourquoi de cette punition. L'important n'est pas de punir l'acte d'un enfant, à mon avis, mais plutôt de lui expliquer pourquoi il n'aurait pas dû le faire. C'est sans doute une attitude plus raisonnable que de frapper directement, ce qui peut même devenir machinal pour les parents, comme un réflexe!

By Marine C. on Mon, 11/05/2001 - 08:13 #