Your parents criticize you in front of your friends.
Vos parents vous critiquent devant vos amis.
say nothing at the moment
I don't care too much unless it is very harsh criticism.
I don't say anything at the moment, but after my friends are gone, I raise up the subject and let my parents know how I felt about the situation and how I wish they would deal with such situations in the future.
I try not to let it show that it bothers me, but I would be very embarrassed. I would approach my parents about it later and ask them not to do it again.
I would be upset but probably not talk back.
I would feel a bit embarrassed, but I wouldn't think it's a big deal.
I would laugh it off. This hasn't really happened as I've gotten older.
I would make a small joke out of it and move on to the next topic, without harping too much on their comment. Depending on the comment, I might talk to them later on and say that I would like them to discuss such things only with me.
I would talk to them after my friends left and address the situation in a civilized manner.
I would tell them later on that I did not like what they said, and if they want to criticize me they should do it when nobody else is around
I would tell them later that this was embarrassing for me and that in the future I would like for them to take these things up with me alone.
I would think I deserved it for some reason, though I would be ashamed of it as well.
I would try to laugh about it.
I would wait until my friends had left and then tell them that it's inappropriate to do that.
I'd just get embarrassed.
If it is a fair criticism, then explain the circumstances. If it is unfair, correct them.
If the criticism is justified, I thank them for bringing it to my attention. If not, I logically invalidate the argument, and tell them it might be better to discuss the issue later in private.
In private, I will tell them that it was not ok and will ask them to never do that again.
laugh it off or ignore it
So be it. That's their perogative.
When my friend leaves, I tell my parents to please not criticize me in front of my friends because it's embarrassing and hurtful.
"J'ai passé l'âge!"
c'est inenvisageable.
C'est la honte et je boude toute la soirée sans explication.
ce n'est pas grave
Cela me gêne, je leur fais remarquer et tente de me défendre quoiqu'il arrive.
Je demande de reporter la conversation en privé.
Je les laisse dire, je leur dois bien ça.
Je leur demande de reporter cette discussion en tête à tête.
je leur explique que cela me dérange
je leur fais remarquer que cela ne regarde pas mes amis et que l'on en reparlera plus tard
Je leur ferai le reproche plus tard
Je me défendrais.
Je ne dis rien au moment et je fais comprendre à mes parents, ultérieurement, que je n'ai pas apprécié cela.
Je réponds du tac au tac afin de clore la discussion que je reprendrai avec eux plus tard.
je serais probablement un peu gênée et leur demanderais d'arrêter.
Je serais très déçu.
je suis embarrassé
Merci maman, on va arrêter par là, nous on sort!
se taire et leur expliquer quand ils se calment
Si cela m'incommode je ferais une réflexion peut-être sur le ton de l'humour pour montrer que ça me dérange
Discussion
Most of the students on both sides mentioned that they would wait until later to tell their parents that their criticism bothered them. However, I noticed that some of the French students said they would immediately tell their parents to stop whereas none (or very few) of the American students did. This leads me to wonder if children in France are more direct with their parents?
Comme Tayo, je remarque que les français ont plus tendance à dire qu'ils feraient immédiatement des remarques à leur parents. C'est vrai que les nouvelles générations ont de plus en plus tendance à tenir tête à leurs parents, même en public. Les parents ne représentent plus autant l'autorité qu'avant, mais ils sont davantage considérés comme des "amis". C'est en tout cas la tendance générale actuelle. Les jeunes aux Etats-Unis n'ont pas ce comportement avec leurs parents ?
Un autre point intéressant que j'ai pu relever dans les réponses, est le recours à l'humour pour dédramatiser la situation. C'est une réponse que j'ai pu lire des deux côtés donc ça veut dire que le recours à l'humour pour ne pas perdre la face est une pratique commune à nos deux pays !
I also agree with Tayo and Emilie that the French children seem to be more direct with their parents about their opinions. I feel like in America and many other cultures, being too direct with one's parents can be considered disrespectful. Also, in many of the other previous forums, it seemed like the Americans were the ones that wanted individualism, freedom, the privilege of the self, the rights, etc. In that case, shouldn't the Americans be more direct?
Everyone's answers are so level-headed! I'd probably start crying immediately if my parents critiqued me in front of friends. Heck, I'd probably cry if my parents critiqued me in front of my brother. It's kind of nice that a lot people's answers reflect that they would be surprised if their parents actually did that. I'm glad both cultures seem reflective of parents respecting and being supportive of their adult children!
Raina, en parlant de respect, je pense que le respect doit se faire dans les deux sens, et si les parents critiquent leur enfant devant ses amis, c'est ne pas faire preuve de respect envers lui. D'autant plus si la critique est injustifiée (dimension importante à prendre en compte).
Personnellement, je me défendrais. Mais je pense que cette volonté de confronter ses parents s'accentue avec l'âge car on devient égal, un adulte. Et l'indépendance prise avec les parents donne aussi cette liberté de pouvoir les confronter.
Aujourd'hui, je n'ai plus l'âge qu'ils me fassent des coups pareils ! Heureusement.
To answer Emilie's question and supplement what Raina said, children in America don't often have the kind of relationship with their parents that Emilie described. For example, in the southern part of the U.S., it is customary for children to refer to their parents as "sir" and "ma'am." Most parents here would not be happy if their child tried to tell them off in front of a guest!
Caroline, you bring up a very good point that respect should most definitely be in both directions. You respect someone and in addition, expect respect from them. However, in many cultures isn't "respect" something different when between a parent and a child? In my culture (Korean), the parent has the ultimate authority and stating my opinion is just considered rude and disrespectful even if I was being polite about it and the criticism or comment was unjustified. But I do completely agree with you that it changes as you age. Once you reach that certain age, you, too, are independent and an adult.
It's interesting to learn about the parent-child relationship in France. To follow up on Emilie's comment, at what age do kids start standing up to their parents and considering them as "friends"? Does this start at teenage itself?
Malheureusement, on voit aujourd'hui des parents qui se font marcher dessus par leurs enfants de plus en plus jeunes, dès 8-9 ans. Les parents préfèrent créer une relation amicale avec leurs enfants mais cela ne marche pas et le respect n'est plus présent dans cette relation.
Cela a obligatoirement des conséquences sur les relations entre les parents et les enfants lorsque ceux ci deviennent adultes. Je vois ici que les étudiants qui ont répondu n'ont pas du tout cette relation avec leurs parents et savent les respecter, même lorsque ceux-ci leur font des remarques devant des amis.
Y a t-il ce changement d'éducation aux Etats-Unis également?
What an interesting conversation! Because every family is different, it's very hard to make a generalisation about American families. Personally, I was raised to say "yes, mom" and "yes, dad", whenever my parents criticised me or told me to do something. Now that I'm adult, my parents are my friends and they use their 'parenting' rights sparingly. But when I'm in their home, I still must obey their rules. I do see some families where the parents are the friends of their under-age children....so perhaps the dynamics here in the U.S. are changing for some families.
I agree with Melissa that it's difficult to generalize American families. Even within one family, it is possible to have different relationships with your children. For example, my mom likes to think she's a "cool mom," so if she criticized me in front of my friends, she would have no problem with me defending myself. My dad is the exact opposite; he is very stubborn and values respect above everything else. I think it's interesting to attempt to compare parenting/family dynamics between the US and France, but I suggest that it's definitely difficult to do without overgeneralizing.
Personellement mes parents aiment "me mettre en boite" devant mes amis mais cela est toujours sur le ton de l'humour et jamais de la méchanceté et mon père comme ma mère savent que j'argumenterais sur ce qui est dit en les mettant en boite à leur tour. Donc cette situation ne me gêne plus à l'heure actuelle.
En revanche, lorsque j'étais plus jeune, j'aurais été très gênée et j'aurais fini par pleurer parce que mes parents représentaient une autorité avec laquelle je ne pouvais pas argumenter à mes yeux.
Il serait intéressant de poser cette question à différentes personnes d'âges différents. Un lycéen et un élève de primaire n'auraient sans doute pas les mêmes réponses que la majorité d'entre nous, qu'en pensez-vous?
Marine, you bring up a good point. You're right, a high school student and a primary/elementary school student would not have the same thoughts and opinions. With age comes responsibility and rights, so a high school student is more entitled to have the right to speak up for themselves than a primary school student who must obey their parents.
Yes, Marine, that's quite true. There was recently a book published about French parenting from an American's perspective, it generated a lot of buzz. Here's a piece written by the author for the wall street journal. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html
Marine, Anne-Gaelle, Caroline, et Emilie: What do you think of the author's perspective? Does that seem like typical French parenting?
@Marine: I didn't even consider age as a factor in this question, but now that I think about it, it does make a huge difference. When I was in junior high or high school, I might have even interpreted critiques as much more offensive than I would now.