Vous trouvez ça plus normal que l’on vous appelle par votre prénom que par votre nom de famille ?
Il n’y a pas de “formalisme” un peu soutenu dans ce type d’échange ?

Lorsqu’on appelle quelqu’un par son prénom cela crée une certaine forme de proximité. Pouvez-vous m’expliquer en quoi mettre de la distance entre les gens serait bénéfique ?

Apparemment les américains n’accordent aucune importance au formalisme dans leurs échanges avec les autres ! n’est ce pas ?

In this situation it seems that the American students would feel more comfortable than the French students. In the United States I think there is definitely less formality - actually, it can make us feel awkward when there is a lot of formality. In the United States (in English grammar), we don’t even have the question of “tutoyer/vousvoyer” which came up in one of the French responses. We were also learning in class that French people practice much more formality at the workplace and at school/in class.

Spira, it’s true that we are very much less concerned with formality in general than the French, but it’s obviously still important in some circumstances. I think especially younger people/generations think it’s better to be more informal with people, and more so if they’re near the same age as you. For example, often people will email their professors/TAs/advisors starting with “Hi (FirstName)” and this is totally normal. I agree with mhk that formality causes people to feel awkward (at least that has been my experience).

Do you feel that the younger French generations are leaning away from the traditional levels of formality in French culture?
What’s the youngest age of a person who you would immediately “vousvoyer”, and does constantly having to worry about which to use stress you guys out? I feel like I would live in constant anxiety if I had to worry about offending people all the time.

I found it interesting that there were French students who thought this situation was normal. From the impression I had, I thought that no French person would be comfortable in this situation. For Americans, it is completely normal to be addressed by the first name, there have actually been several instances where it seems like people are taking better care of you if they took the time to learn your first name. It seems like the the French students are a little split between being uncomfortable in this situation and not thinking anything of it. what do you guys think contributes to whether someone is okay with it or not?

The reaction on the left is unanimously indifferent about being addressed by first name in such a setting. The reaction on the left is mainly indifferent, but a few people would be surprised by this and would have expected more formality. I think it is purely regional because in my home country, it is normal to refer to strangers with a Mr. or Mrs. or other such title before either the first or last name. It seems to be a matter of custom to me. I had no trouble adjusting to this difference once I came to the U. S.

I agree with @math. ceil. I think for the most part the answers seem to be very similar between the Americans and the French, but there are answers on the French side that deem it very inappropriate, while none on the American side deem it so. I definitely think that manners are much more important in France than in the United States, especially as in English, we do not have “tu” and “vous”, simply you. I think this extends to fewer formalities across the board. In France, who is able to automatically use your first name and who isn’t supposed to?

@ dwar: That’s a very interesting and difficult question. I think that one example where interpersonal “distance” can be beneficial is at “classy” hotels and restaurants. At places like these, employees try their best to convey that the guest’s wish is their command. However, I would say that at most other places, Americans always work toward interpersonal proximity and reducing formality.

@spira I wouldn’t say that we don’t accord *any* importance to formalities when we are addressing others. In general, being polite is considered quite important with strangers, especially when interacting with service employees. This means saying “please”, “thank you”, etc. The employee will also greet you with something like “How are you today?” I would say that there is a certain rigidity despite not being overly formal in tone.

Concernant l’utilisation de “tu” ou “vous” selon les circonstances, je dirais que cela vient déjà de notre éducation. Par exemple, dans mon cas, depuis tout petit, on m’a toujours appris à vouvoyer les grandes personnes, ne serait-ce que par respect et politesse, et qu’il était normal qu’à l’inverse les adultes pouvaient me tutoyer. Après, à l’école aussi, quand on nous apprend les différences entre le formel et l’informel, on nous montre là-aussi comment utiliser le vouvoiement pour communiquer avec des personnes que l’on ne connait pas forcément, pour éviter ainsi d’être mal-vu ou mal-éduqué, je pense. Je crois qu’on peut envier l’anglais là-dessus, vu que vous ne vous embêtez pas avec tout ça, et n’utilisez que “you”. =)
D’ailleurs, dans d’autres langues parfois, il arrive que le tutoiement existe mais ne soit quasiment jamais employé parce qu’il est mal vu et est considéré comme irrespectueux, et que l’on utilise presque toujours le vouvoiement à la place. Je pense par exemple au basque, où même pour parler avec des membres de notre famille ou des amis, on utilise le vouvoiement.
Qu’en pensez-vous ? Est-ce que le fait d’avoir seulement le pronom “you” peut poser problème pour faire la différence entre formel et informel ou pas du tout ?

Le fait que l’on m’appelle par mon prénom ne me pose pas de problème véritablement, mais lorsqu’il est utilisé dans une situation inhabituelle (comme ici), cela me dérange un peu car je considère cela comme forcé une familiarité (que je souhaite pas particulièrement avoir avec n’importe qui. En effet aux USA, j’ai l’impression que cette usage est beaucoup plus courant et cela donne une première impression que tout le monde se connait ce qui est en réalité faux. Ne pensez vous pas qu’il faut agir différemment selon que l’on s’adresse à un quasi inconnue ou à un proche ?

@mhk je trouve justement que dans les hôtels et les lieux un peu classes comme tu dit, le fait qu’on m’appelle par mon prénom me mettrai encore plus à l’aise. Cela me donnerait envie d’en savoir plus sur ce que la personne a à m’offrir pour égayer ma visite. Ne pense tu pas la même chose ?

@dtrecu dans ma langue d’origine il n’y pas de distinction entre tu et vous. Ayant vécu en métropole assez longtemps dans mon enfance j’ai eu un peu de mal à m’adresser aux adultes une fois rentré à Mayotte. En effet, je voulais absolument les vouvoyer sauf qu’il n’y avait pas de mot pour le faire.

Je crois que c’est plutôt lié à la culture et le pays. Par exemple, ici en France, les relation officielle ont un discours particulier, ce qui implique le vouvoiement et un respect particulier pour le client, le professeur … . Par contre dans US, on remarque que la quasi-totalité des réponse n’ont pas donné d’importance à cet acte.

@Jean-Michel Durant, (and @chaf.madkour), I think here in the US people feel very uncomfortable if situations are too formal unless it is a specific place where that is expected (such as fancy hotels like other people have said). My impression is that in France you assume formality in most situations whereas in the US we typically would assume and even prefer informality for most situations. I think this dislike of formality is because we don’t have formality ingrained in our language and people don’t like to feel that they or anyone else is better than someone else. It might even come from the American Dream of how everyone is somewhat equal and can make it big (i. e. be famous or make buckets of money), though this might be me trying to extrapolate a meaning from nothing. I have just found that people here dislike formality unless it is expected and even then will often prefer if the formalities can be dropped quickly. I also know that if someone is being too formal with me, I am often suspicious if they want something from me and are trying to butter me up or something since being overly formal is not the norm and so it signals a mini red flag for me.

@dtrecu I don’t think the lack of a formal “you” is a problem because I think english has evolved to incorporate other methods of formality into communication. For example, you could say “How are you today?” to a stranger while you could say “Hey what’s up?” or “What are you up to?” to a close friend. In this case, you is used for both situations, but what surrounds the word you is what determines if you is being used formally or informally.
@mhk I think that being more formal, would actually push me away from wanting to know more about what someone has to offer. For me, I would feel more invested and interested if I could connect on a more personal way to both the person offering the service and the service itself.

Going off of what tasha said, it’s possible that people prefer informality because being too formal can make you seem pretentious. For example if I started talking to a classmate casually and they responded as if it were a formal business meeting or something I would probably think they either took themselves too seriously or thought they were better than me.

On the other hand, if I were in a fancy hotel (or a similar situation) and someone spoke to me very formally I would be flattered because it implies they think I’m important.

I agree with @elemcy.

I also think that our response to this question has a lot to do with our age as college students. I think if we were 5 - 10 years older, our responses may be different and we might be offended if someone used our first name, but at this point in our lives, most people only refer to us by our first name and it is normal/expected.

I think another important point here is that in the US it’s generally considered rude to ask someone specifically to call you by a title (like “Mr.”) or by your last name. Even in a situation where it is generally expected (which are certainly becoming less frequent), specifically asking for the other person to use such honorifics towards you comes off as haughty.

I think @erbri makes an interesting point about age but I would almost argue a different point about how age plays a role in formality. I know that if I was at a bank and the bank teller talked to me very casually but spoke to an older adult with more formality I would think that they don’t value me as a customer or think that I don’t have much money because I am younger which I would be annoyed with. Yet in some situations, like being at a not fancy restaurant, older customers want to be treated more informally or even asked for their ID so that they don’t feel “old”. Likely it depends a lot on the person and the individual situation.

Effectivement, je pense que les banquiers possède pour une majorité de grandes compétences relationnels.
Leur but est de rapporter à la banque et donc de même en confiance le client. Ils doivent savoir repérer comment discuter à chaque nouveau client, ce qui peut être difficile pour certains client. Ils vont plus facilement détecter les clients venu pour faire affaire (emprunt, gros dépôt …) et donc les respecter. Ils vont aussi essayer de s’adapter aux jeunes pour les attirer, mais pas que par l’utilisation du prénom, mais aussi avec des prêts à 0% qu’ils proposent à chaque rendez-vous. Il faut faire attention aux banquiers.

@Steins: “Il faut faire attention aux banquiers” La phrase la plus sensée de ce post haha

ahh oui @steins ! j’ajoute aussi qu’un banquier, c’est quelqu’un qui vous prête un parapluie par beau temps et vous le reprend lorsqu’il commence à pleuvoir. ;)