It seems like a lot of us responded similarly that this would be embarrassing and some said this likely wouldn’t happen (from MIT and ENSEIRB). How often do you think this happens?

I don’t see a big difference on the responses from the two student bodies. However, there is a division on both sides. Some people said that they would be embarrassed, angry, or would just argue with them at some point, while others said they would laugh it off, or just find it light-hearted. I feel like this depends heavily on how parents approach their kids while raising them. Some parents tend to become friends with their kids as well as parents to them, while some find it enough to just be good parents without becoming friends with them. As a 21 year old student, I don’t really have an opinion on which is better, but this difference could explain the two very different responses here. When I imagined this situation, I imagined my parents criticizing some mistake I made, while not realizing how embarrassing it would be to do so in front of my friends. The first time I read it, I did not imagine it being a light-hearted joke.

I feel like the types of parent-child relationships can transcend cultures, and I wonder what your opinions are on this matter. Do you think that somebody is more likely to have parents that are more strict or more friendly, or some other mix of traits, mainly because they were born into a certain cultural environment?

Bonjour à tous,
Je ne suis pas sûr que les relations parents/enfants dépendent de la culture. En effet, chaque parent entretient des relations propres avec ses enfants. Elles peuvent être bonnes ou mauvaise même si certaines codes peuvent donner une apparence à la relation (vouvoiement des parents dans les milieux nobles, …).
Pourquoi pensez-vous qu’un parent peut en venir à avoir un tel comportement devant les amis de son enfant ? Déception de leurs attentes pour les enfants ? Echec personnel ?

I am speculating, but I would think that one reason a parent might do this is because they think it might be an effective way of getting their child to change. I guess the parent might think that if they embarrass you in front of your friend then maybe you will stop doing whatever that was. Another reason might be the same reasoning behind bullying. Generally it seems that bullies are mean to people to make themselves feel better than that person. Parents are people too so maybe if they’re criticizing their child it could be a bad attempt at making themselves feel better.

To flow off Berke’s point, I think that while it is possible to have parent-child relationships that transcend cultural norms and stereotypes, this is not very common, particularly in more closed off cultures. I think in general, though people are not obliged to follow a culture, it is often easy for them to do and hence even a lot of parenting techniques flow from there. My mom says this, “you can only give what you have,” and I think that rings a lot of truths particularly for parenting.

I think Emma’s speculation for Clement’s question is pretty reasonable. I’ve seen a lot of parents criticize(and even hit) their kids in public because they believe the embarrassment they face there helps them understand the consequences of their action. I believe that’s a very understandable concept and it makes sense why people that are tried and convicted of felony are done so publicly: shame is a very effective punishment.

Personally, I hate the idea of criticizing your kids before their friends. I think it harms not only the child’s image but even that of the parents. Particularly as the child gets older, the last thing you want to do is make an enemy of your kid.

I agree with Emma’s point. It makes sense that if a parent wants to see a certain change in their kids, this is one way of trying to make that happen, as a last resort. But I also agree that this is not a healthy way to interact with your child, not at all. It could easily hurt the child’s self confidence, and even effect the relationship with their friends.

I also agree with Tunmi that it is often easy to follow the precedent of parenting that was set by your own parents. If there is a cultural expectation of how you should be parenting, it is hard to break through that and become the parent you want to be. I guess I was being a little optimistic, because in such cultures, parents may tend to do things that their own parents did to them, even if they themselves hated it when they were little kids.

Bonjour,
Je suis d’accord avec l’avis de tunmi. Il n’y a pas lieu de critiquer son enfant en face de ses amis car cela a beaucoup de répercussion. D’abord bien sur l’enfant va être vexé de la remarque. Mais cette remarque va peut-être être reprise par les “amis” de l’enfant pour a son tour le rabaissé. Les amitiés se font et se défont rapidement lorsqu’on est jeune et ce genre de remarque peut participer activement au harcèlement d’un enfant dans la cours de récréation. D’autant plus que pour un enfant, les parents détiennent la vérité absolue.