It's interesting that a few students of INT mentioned a parent's role in educating their
children while Brown students did not mention education.
INT students, do you feel like helping you succeed with education and careers is an
important focus and role for your parents?
Do Brown students feel like that is also a role your parents play although the
questionnaires don't reflect it?

Un bon parent n'est pas seulement celui qui éduque son enfant, bien
entendu. Il doit aussi apporter de l'amour, de l'affection, de la
compréhension... Mais l'éducation est quelque chose de très important et
c'est le rôle des parents, et non de l'école, comme certains parents
aimeraient le croire en France...
Que signifie pour vous éduquer un enfant ? Est-ce le rôle des parents,
de l'école ? Comment envisagez-vous l'éducation de vos enfants ?

It is interesting that ensuring an education isn't one of the first things that comes to
mind when I think of what makes a good parent, although that is definitely an important
characteristic. However, maybe the reason has to do with the same idea discussed
concerning the phrase "a good neigbor." The American responses are much more
sentimental and optimistic, while education is something concrete, with less feeling and
more objective neutrality.

While it is a parent's role to make sure that their child has access to the best educational
opportunities possible, American parents are also expected to teach their family morals
and values to their children. This type of an education can be lacking in American public
schools, because no one wants to teach anything that may blur the lines between church
and state. Values are meant to be taught at home, in accordance with our concept of
freedom. Parents are free to raise their children with whatever moral system they deem
appropriate.

Society does, however, dictate what those values should be. When a child acts up, it's
not uncommon for someone to remark "Didn't your mother ever teach you any
manners?" On a more serious note, American courts have started to hold parents
responsible for the criminal acts of their children in some cases. I believe that parents
need to be educators at every moment of every day.

Education is becoming more and more the role of the teacher and
not of the parent. This is especially true in some public schools
here. My mother, a teacher, has had first hand knowledge with this
change. She tells me that when she started teaching, her students
came from more stable backgrounds with committed parents.
Recently, with the increasing number of broken homes and
dysfunctional families, teachers are taking on some of the
responsibilities of being a parent. My mom, on frequent occassions,
guides troubled students in her classes.

Hi Charlotte!!!

Unlike S., I feel like my parents were and still are an integral
part of my education. They not only help pay for my education, but
also helped me since I was a little girl preparing and placing me on
the right track to become who I am today. I would have never
accomplished all I have already without my parents, their help, and
their support. They have always emphasized how important school
is to both my sister and I. They always made sure we did our
homework and we were not allowed to go out with our friends or
do anything on the side unless our homework was done. They
helped us with our homework too. If I didn't understand a concept
in my Biology class, for example, my mother would take the time to
read the chapter and then help me with my question. My father
would read over my English papers and give me suggestions on how
to make them better. They always volunteered to help out at
school events. For example, at my science symposiums in High
School, my mom always coordinated the snacks. They drove me to
all the colleges I wanted to apply to, so I could visit them and see if I
really wanted to apply there or not. They helped me through the
whole college process of finding, searching, deciding, applying, etc.
My parents have been there every step of the way and I don't think
I'd be at Brown if it wasn't for them pushing me, helping me, and
encouraging me to do more than I thought possible.

My parents have always been there for me, not only in education,
but for my personal troubles as well. For example, if I have a fight
with one of my friends, I can tell them about it and they will listen to
me and give me some advice. They are always there for me to talk
to and even when I make mistakes, they are there to put me on the
right path, forgive me, and help me. I plan to be that type of "good
parent" to my kids when I have a family. Sometimes I don't know
how my parents do it, but I hope to be able to help my kids in the
same way through school, friends, jobs, and life.

I, therefore, feel like a good parent is directly related to education.
I'm interested in how often everyone else talks to their parents while
away at school? Do some of you still live with your parents either
while going to college or when you return home during the
summer? What are your experiences? I know I talk to my parents
a lot more often than my previous roommates have talked to
theirs. I talk to my parents basically everyday even if it is a five
minute conversation just to say, "I love you." I feel like this is a lot
more than the amount of time other college students talk to their
parents. Both INT and Brown students, is this true?

Thanks!

~OP

I was wondering, in order to be able to understand our responses maybe a little bit
better, how many men and how many woman there are who answered these
questionaires at INT? I feel that in many cases, a male and female response might differ
greatly. For example, on the issue of a "good parent," I have discussed with my
brothers the values I feel I have taken away with me since childhood and how I feel my
parents contributed to this. I found it quite amazing that we all think initially of quite
different things. For example, they all mentioned education and guidance towards
academics while I mentioned love and a solid moral background. Do you feel that
perhaps your response reflected these differences or that there could be this kind of
imbalance in the responses? I know that our class has only two men and the rest
female. Thank you very much.

Hi everyone -

On a slightly different note, how strict were your parents (especially when you were
younger - i.e. before college)? The responses to "a well-behaved child" from the
american students focuses on obediance ("obey", "listen to", "respect"). I believe that in
the contect of a well-behaved child all of these words have a similar meaning: that as
children, we should do what our parents/adults tell us to. The responses from the french
students include "poli" and "respecte" more often than "obeit". Do all of these words
have a similar meaning in french and if so, what is that common meaning?

Switching to the lists for "a good parent", the focus of both lists is love. A good parents
loves his/her children. However, I want to look at two sentances in particular. 1) "shows
their children what is right and wrong" and 2) "qui n'impose pas son point de vue" Our
responses to these two phrases seem to suggest that the american students believe that
children should listen to (obey) their parents perhaps because their parents know what is
right and they will teach their children how to act. In the list from the INT students for a
good parent the words "tolere" and "accepte" and "comprend" suggest that there is an
expectation that children will learn on their own and their views and knowledge should be
respected by their parents? Although there seems to be an expectation by the american
students that there will be a balance between "freedom" and obediance, it seems to me
that we are more on the side of obediance (in expectation) and the french students lean
more towards freedom for children (again, perhaps more in expectation than reality).

What does everyone else think?

Hi all -

I just want to remind you that the question asks what we think makes a
good parent, not what our parents are like. Therefore, the responses
don't necessarily reflect the styles of parenting in our respective
cultures, but rather our cultural values.

Personally, in response to Evan's question, my parents basically thought
I should think the way they thought and do what they told me when I was
growing up. However, I would not have put that as something that makes
a good parent. Do others feel that their responses differed from their
own experiences?

Everyone, what were your parents like in terms of encouraging
independence? Do you think this was out of the ordinary or that it is
relatively normal for your culture? I don't think my parents really
accepted my independence of thought until I went to college.

Le problème c'est qu'en France le rôle des parents est bouffé par l'Education Nationale
(l'Etat), du coup les parenst se déchargent en partie de leur rôle éducatif. Je trouve ça
nul, je pense que lorsque cela est possible l'un des deux parents doit rester avec ses
enfants pour les aider à comprendre la vie et les faire relativiser l'influence de
l'éducation reçue à l'école et programmée par le gouvernement qui ne fait que
standardiser à sa convenance.

Sinon, je ne sais pas trop quoi dire moi j'ai eu de très mauvais parents et la seule vraie
éducation que j'ai reçue provenait de mon grand-père... Je suppose que pour être un
bon parent il faut avant tout aimer ses enfants, après le reste on fait comme on peut..
non ?