It seems that the responses are similar from both sides - both seem to put a lot of importance in being polite and respectful to the others, especially the elders.

I thought it was interesting that the American responses mentioned drinking. Perhaps this was not mentioned in the French responses since alcohol is a very natural part of the culture?

I found it interesting that the issue of screaming rowdy children came up several times on the American side, but not on the French side.  Do French children scream and throw tantrums in public?  How would parents react in a situation like that?

It's very striking that, while the French set of responses emphasizes "politeness" and "respectfulness," the American set emphasizes a more explicit obedience: well-behaved American children "follow the rules," "obey" their parents, and "always do things right."

Also, I noticed that the French responses seem to emphasize the well-behaved child's obligation to society, not so much to the parents themselves (well-behaved French children respect the communal rules of life, respect their professors, help old persons cross the street, etc.). In the United States there is a lot of discussion about how much American parents' identities can be bound up with that of their children, perhaps to an unhealthy degree. 

Do you think that in France there is an understanding of etiquette that transcends specific rules and orders...is politeness is something that is separate from, or different from, obedience?

Cela dépend beaucoup des familles... Certaines familles seront très à cheval sur leur vision de l'éducation et seront donc beaucoup plus vigilantes quand au comportement de leurs enfants tandis que d'autres laisseront plus de liberté aux enfants, cela vaut aussi pour la consommation d'alcool.

Quand aux cris poussés par ces enfants, je pense qu'il n'est pas mentionné car pas tellement courant me semble-t-il. Et lorsque cela arrive, je vois la plupart des parents se plier en 4 pour tenter de les calmer.

Pour répondre à Jennifer, je ne pense pas que les notions de "politesse" et "d'obéissance" soient séparées. A mon avis, un enfant poli sera naturellement obéissant envers ses parents et ses aînés de façon générale.

En effet l'obeissance à ses parents et le premier pas vers la politesse. Il est rare de voir des enfants qui sont ingérables en famille se tenir correctement en société, en général, ça ressort rapidement.

Aux Etats-Unis, les parents poussent-ils les enfants à faire de longues études ? Est-il mal vu de voir ses enfants se diriger vers le travail rapidement avec des etudes courtes et professionnalisantes?

Jonathan --

Children whose parents are very engaged in their studies, from childhood through college, have an incredible advantage in life. But good parents aren't easy to find. A lot of parents in the United States now treat their children like their best friend; they lean on their kids emotionally rather than behaving as loving adults whose role in life should be guiding their children toward successful, happy lives. Younger fathers seem to be much more involved in their children's lives than in previous generations. Overall, they seem to get more out of loving their kids and doing things with them, rather than seeing their primary role as being the primary financial support for their children. Kids benefit from active parents. You can be active as a parent without being controlling or domineering, without trying to relive your own life by steering your kids in directions they don't want to go.

I believe that it depends family to family about what is expected of their child and their studies. Some parents would love to see their child go to the same college or follow a similar career path. On the other hand, some parents would suggest not to! My parents mostly encourage me to choose what I love and study that and not choose my major based on projected salary or what I am best at. That being said, they think I should take advantage of the strong engineering programs at MIT. Overall, I think it isnt a question of national culture, but a family influence that helps to choose your job and education.

What surprised me most about the responses, and it was addressed to a degree earlier with the mention of obedience versus politeness, was how only French responses included the idea of helping their parents without being asked to do so. I got the sense from the American responses that being well-behaved (excluding the one response condemning being well-behaved an impossibility) is something that must be done because it is expected, whereas the French seemed to view it as something that should be done out of appreciation.

Regarding the question of education, I think there is a lot of concern in the United States about the "obligation" of higher education these days. People are starting to question an assumption, which has been growing stronger since the 1950s, that a bachelor's degree is a necessity, when the truth is that a lot of undergraduate students might be better served by a shorter technical education or other kinds of professional training. Howevr, I still think that, in general, it would be seen as strange if a parent actively discouraged a child from pursuing higher education (it's different if the child herself decides against it).

Il me semble que pour les français, un enfant est bien élevé selon la perception que l'on a de lui physiquement ( posture, attitude, habits), moralement ( courtoisie, altruisme ) et verbalement ( politesse, vocabulaire ). Mais les moeurs tel que l'alcool et la drogue sont moins pris en compte... peut être car il semble évident qu'un parent n'incitera pas son enfant à boire et à se droguer d'où le fait que ces vices soient propres à la vie plus à qu'à l'éducation.

Je ne pense pas que l'obéissance aux choix de vie des parents comme l'orientation des études rentrent dans le cadre du "bien élevé" et que c'est une illusion d'être la perfection incarnée selon ses parents : ceci serait d'une certaine manière déshumanisant...

Christophe, does "bien-elevé" mean "well-raised" more than "well-behaved"?  The question in English asked about a "well-behaved" child.  A child's being well-behaved could result from its parents bringing it up and educating it well, but it could also refer to a child being naturally considerate and obedient.  It refers to the character of the child, not necessarily the parent.  

Christophe, what do you mean by ' ces vices soient propres à la vie plus à qu'à l'éducation'? I think I got lost in the translation. Also what is the drug culture like in France. In the US, I think that it is safe to say that it is most active in the college stage of life. Are young adults considered rebellious as oppose to well-behaved if they smoke cigarettes or use decriminalized drugs like marijuana. (N.B. Marijuana is not decriminalized in every state in the US, but it is in Massachusetts.)

What's the situation like with swear words in France? In my middle school, teachers would say "watch your language" to students saying swear words and whatnot. I think swear words are also discouraged in families, probably more so than they are in school. 

Christophe: 

What did you mean when you discussed the parental role in drug and alcohol use? Given that the drinking age is lower in France, I would think that alcohol use at least is less frowned upon. Is this not true? Does young people drinking have a negative stigma in France (like it generally does here- 'uneraged drinking')

--Chrysonthia

Christophe veut dire que la consommation de la drogue ou de l'alcohol semble ne pas être directement lié à l'éducation fournie par les parents et qu'ainsi le fait qu'un enfant soit bien élevé ou pas semble être indépendant de la consommation de ces substances.